I didn’t just realize this. I’ve known for a while now. Late 2024 is when it finally had a name, when everything I had pushed down started making sense in a way I couldn’t ignore anymore.
I was told then that no contact might be what’s best for me. That sometimes distance is the only way to really heal.
But it’s not that simple.
Because I don’t just see her as the person who hurt me. I see her as a woman who was hurt too, who carries her own childhood, her own trauma, her own things she probably never got the chance to process.
And that’s where I get stuck.
Because two things can be true at the same time. She can be the source of some of my deepest wounds… and still be someone I have compassion for.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to walk away. I don’t even know if I can.
Not the part of me that understands her.
And maybe that’s what makes this so complicated.
Because this isn’t about finally seeing it.
It’s about figuring out what to do with what I know.
Unbecoming Her 
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